“From life to our final breaths, expressing love in the way our loved ones appreciate being loved is an awareness we may offer.”
For over six years, Wendy and her husband, Todd, experienced firsthand the highs and lows of caregiving for Todd’s parents, George and Lois.
With the wish to stay at home as long as they could, George and Lois leaned on the support of their family as they each dealt with serious health situations. But the time came when they needed expert support from hospice professionals—George in 2022 and Lois in 2024. Thanks to the extra support in-home hospice care provided, their family was able to honor their wishes and keep them at home in their final days.
In the conversation that follows, Wendy shares her and Todd’s experiences, reflections, and heartfelt perspective on caregiving, hospice, and the end-of-life journey.
Hospice of Michigan (HOM): Who received hospice care in your family?
Wendy: Todd’s father, George, received hospice care at home before we lost him to cancer-related illnesses in 2022. Todd’s mother, Lois, received support from Hospice of Michigan (HOM) for approximately a week before her death from Alzheimer’s and cancer in September 2024. There was much love for Todd as their son and main family care provider in their twilight years. Before their passing, we provided daily care and attention to his parents for over six years as first his father’s health, then his mother’s health failed. His skillset in the health care industry and his priority of their well-being provided great confidence for his parents to know they could live comfortably in their home and feel their voices were heard. As many may know, this is a responsibility that, while rewarding to share health-challenged time with loved ones, the action of providing care this way may be incredibly emotional and physically draining. Love is there, and there’s also a bucket with many other demands for critical attention. Hospice of Michigan delivered exceptional, understanding professional support for Lois, her family, and Todd and me during the difficult period in which hospice services were in place.
HOM: How would you describe the support you received as caregivers from Hospice of Michigan?
Wendy: HOM professionals approached each individual in Lois’ home with gentle authority and compassion. It goes without saying that circumstances are not ideal for comfortable interaction, and the respectful care and direction of HOM professionals was that of understanding and experience. We love our family, who doesn’t? We wanted to be love in the flesh, especially when serious decisions and actions were necessary on a more frequent basis. Todd and I were exhausted, to be honest, and he shouldered many responsibilities and decisions for many years as his parents encountered health challenges. It felt incredibly helpful to have such solid support from HOM when the combination of emotions, priorities, and visiting family could be so overwhelming for Lois, those visiting, and Todd and me. Because he was the primary caregiver, I felt grateful he had the kind, professional support of HOM nurses and providers.
HOM: What was the decision like when choosing to sign up for hospice care?
Wendy: Todd often had difficult conversations with his parents before they passed, since his father lived with advanced cancer. For several years, he felt especially unsure of the future. Both George and Lois felt and expressed commitment to being in their home through life, and they shared opinions on how they preferred their time on earth. This said, even knowing their wishes when they were of healthier mind and body, it was difficult to feel the responsibility to follow through and move into hospice care. Todd carried this weight, and HOM created a supportive environment for carrying out the next steps at this sad and overwhelming time.
HOM: How did your family feel supported during the transition to hospice care?
Wendy: Conversations, clear and written instructions from physicians and health professionals, and kind dialogue with nurses and HOM providers were monumentally helpful. The circumstance and physical environment of hospice at home is emotionally heavy, and those associated with HOM delivered experienced care with the understanding of how unnatural and difficult the time was for Todd and me, his brother, and his wife, who were often in the home, his aunt, and other family members who visited.
HOM: What have you learned throughout the death or grief process?
Wendy: I feel there’s nothing that could have totally prepared Todd and me for the hospice experience and final days of his parents. Each family and situation, relationships within the family, and the dynamic of circumstances are unique. We were grateful to feel informed enough to honor the wishes of his parents while they were living and confirm this as they approached death. We worked hard to demonstrate love and respect for their wishes for the six years of daily or nearly daily care/arranged help leading up to that point. I feel that reassurance was naturally very important to George and Lois, and Todd made a point of loving, listening, and confirming that care would be on their terms in their home until their final days. All that said, it still was emotionally, mentally, and physically difficult to move through the process despite decisions having been agreed upon with his parents. While some related circumstances in the years were foreseen, other situations moved quickly. The recognition of the services provided by HOM and conversations with George and Lois while they were healthier helped them gain confidence in their wishes being honored. However, the significant impact of years of a son caring for his father, then his mother, in their final weeks to last breaths is an immense weight. Those providing care are often family members with families of their own and career and community responsibilities that coincidentally need attention and care. It’s an environment in which it is difficult to feel prepared. The most important thing, I feel, is to demonstrate love as much as possible. The behaviors of those we love may be unusual as we all address mortality in an emotional environment, and that creates a demand for more love and patience throughout that time. As a family that spiritually follows Jesus and strives to be faithful to God, we are grateful to know George and Lois are now together everlasting and at peace in heaven.
HOM: What would you say to others considering hospice care for their loved one?
Wendy: Hospice of Michigan is a provider of more than a service. HOM delivers reassurance. Going through the hospice at home experience may be incredibly difficult, even if there is confidence that it is at the request of the dying loved one. The fact remains that a loved one is dying.
Those who are care-providing family members may have spent a volume of recent years in the care of an individual, and though providing care and comfort are familiar actions, the hospice at home process involves care and comfort with more finality. If there are family members who were quite involved in care during life, it’s natural to consider their involvement in the final days as well. It’s a significant responsibility that may feel different from individual to individual.
From life to our final breaths, expressing love in the way our loved ones appreciate being loved is an awareness we may offer. Spending time with loved ones in life may prepare us to better know how to love them. Time spent in life offers the opportunity to feel confident that their wishes are being met when it’s foreseen that the end of life is near.
As a parent, I’ve been able to see what hospice looks like, feels like, and how I may or may not request care this way (from our daughters and their families) as Todd’s parents expected of Todd and me. Hospice of Michigan is a network of wonderful professionals, experienced and mindful of this incredibly difficult life stage. From home medical needs for treatment and comfort to equipment delivery for comfort to mortuary needs to spiritual and grief support, some connections may be offered and made by HOM service providers.
It’s an advantage to have HOM professional care, as care providers lose their loved ones. I highly recommend Hospice of Michigan for hospice care, since they were wonderful support for our family during the at-home hospice care of his mother, Lois. Most importantly, I feel, is that throughout our lives, we should express love in ways that significantly and often reach our loved ones. Get to know their favorite things, most proud moments, talents, and stories. These are the things you’ll likely reflect upon most as time on earth diminishes. May God bless you all and provide you with time with those you love.
If you are a caregiver and need support, please visit Hospice of Michigan’s Resources for Patients and Caregivers page