Steps to Survival

1. Recognize your loss: at first you are numb, but your loss is real. Try not to avoid it.

2. Be with your pain: you have been wounded and it hurts. Admit it. To feel pain after loss is normal - proof that you are alive - proof that you are able to respond.

3. You are not alone: loss and change are part of living. Everyone experiences loss.

4. You're a beautiful person of worth: you are much more than the emotional wound you are presently feeling.

5. You will survive: have faith that you will heal.

6. Give yourself time to heal: the more we invested in the relationship the more time it will take. We each have our own timetables.

7. Healing progresses and regresses: healing and growth is not a smooth forward progression. There will be many ups and downs...dramatic leaps and depressing backslides.

8. Tomorrow will come: your life has been full of positive experiences. They will return.

9. Take good care of you: plan your days. Stick to a schedule. Activity will give you a sense of order. Allow yourself time to rest; you are under stress.

10. Keep decision-making to a minimum: expect your judgment to be clouded for a while. You are going through change - don't add more.

11. Seek comfort: accept support from others. Seek it. It is human and courageous.

12. Surround yourself with living things: a new plant, pet, a bowl of fruit, an aquarium.

13. Reaffirm your beliefs: use your faith. Explore it. Lean on it. Grow.

14. Weekends and holidays are the worst: schedule activities you really enjoy.

15. Suicide thoughts: these may surface. They are symptoms of pain. If you feel they are getting out of control, SEEK HELP AT ONCE!

16. Do your mourning now: allow yourself to be with your pain - it will pass sooner. Postponed grief can return later to haunt you. Grief feelings WILL be expressed, one way or another.

17. Be gentle with yourself: you have suffered a disabling emotional wound. Treat yourself with care. Become your own friend.

18. Let healing happen: give yourself time. Don't jump into new things too quickly.

19. Mementos: if these are helpful to you, use them. But if they bind you to a dead past, get rid of them. Before you can say 'hello', you must say 'goodbye.'

20. Anticipate a positive outcome: pain is acceptable. It tells us we are hurting. But it is not a welcome long-term visitor.

21. It is okay to feel depressed: crying is cleansing - a wonderful release. Be with your feelings for awhile.

22. Anger is part of grieving: everyone gets angry when they lose someone or something very dear to them. Channel your anger wisely, and it will subside as you heal: hit a pillow; kick on a bed; yell and scream when you're alone; run; play hard games; play the piano.

23. Guard your nutrition: good eating habits help the healing process.

24. You're vulnerable: your resistance will be low; invite help only from those who are trustworthy.

25. Beware of rebound: there's a hole in your life. Be careful about rushing to fill it.

26. Avoid addictive activities: alcohol, drugs, food, diversions - can all momentarily help us escape from pain. But we can become addicts. These crutches never help us to heal.

27. Heal at your own pace: never compare yourself to another grieving person. Each of us has our own time clock.

28. You will grow: as you work through your sadness, you will learn that you can survive. The pain eventually lessens. Healing does occur.

29. Begin gradually to look to the future: Slowly look at new ways of filling your day. You may even discover that some of them may be fun.

30. Give yourself praise: you are becoming a richer, deeper, wiser person.

31. Be open: give yourself opportunities to meet new people, places, ideas, and experiences. But don't forget to build on the past. Don't throw out what has been worthwhile to you. Small changes are best at first.

32. Begin to give of yourself: giving can bring you the greatest joy. It is healing.

33. Expect relapses: there will always be certain things that trigger sadness again.

34. Alone does not mean lonely: solitude can be creative, restful, and even fun. You can learn to enjoy it.

35. Learn to appreciate your freedom: you are now in control. Make the most of your choices. You can even learn to take risks.

36. Celebrate your survival: becoming your own best friend isn't always easy, but the rewards are worth it. Loving this new you allows you the freedom to be independent and make wise choices for yourself.

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