Grief Blog
NOTE: In this week’s blog, Hospice of Michigan President and CEO Dottie Deremo discusses grieving, and coping with loss during the holidays.
Silver Lining
At a recent Journey Through Grief session, a gentleman told the story of his wife’s death to lung cancer. He talked about the pain he felt as his wife continued to decline. He talked about his wife being his “soul companion” and the loneliness experienced since her death.
He then spoke about finding a “silver lining” in all this loss and pain. He talked about becoming “closer” to his sister since his wife’s death. He reports that his sister calls him every morning to “check in and let me know that she cares about me and this is my silver lining.”
Other attendees of this Journey Through Grief session pondered the thought of the possibility of a silver lining that they could identify since their loss. Several struggled identifying a silver lining in the chaos of their loss.
I do believe that death does take away but it also gives back a silver lining. This silver lining is unique for everyone and it may not be visible at first but with time it shines awareness, enters our hearts and brings peace to our lives.
Tangela Zielinski
Grief Support Services Manager
Hospice of Michigan
Caregivers Forum
Volunteers Forum
Grief
My father died on November 26, 2012. My siblings and I (there are 7 of us) are struggling with his death ad are looking to attend your ‘Adult Loss of a Parent’ support group, but would like to attend one closer to the Garden City, Westland or Dearborn Heights area. Please let me know if you open one in this area soon. Thank you.
Kristen, thank you for sharing, The loss of a parent can be very difficult and we can often feel very alone and unsupported in our grief. I understand one of our grief managers, Jackie, has been in contact with you and your family. I hope you have some support or resources now but please let us know if we can be of any furthur assistance. Peace.
My father died on November 26, 2012; there are several days I struggle with the grief and various emotions of his passing. It is worse when I am alone, occurring at various times of the day. In speaking with a few of my siblings, I am to alone in my grief. The bulk of my siblings and I live in the cities of Garden City, Dearborn Heights and Westland. I do not see that HOM offers the ‘Adult Loss of a Parent’ group nearby. If you open up this group near to us soon, please notify me, as I’m sure several of us would attend. Thank you.
Silver Lining
At a recent Journey Through Grief session, a gentleman told the story of his wife’s death to lung cancer. He talked about the pain he felt as his wife continued to decline. He talked about his wife being his “soul companion” and the loneliness experienced since her death.
He then spoke about finding a “silver lining” in all this loss and pain. He talked about becoming “closer” to his sister since his wife’s death. He reports that his sister calls him every morning to “check in and let me know that she cares about me and this is my silver lining.”
Other attendees of this Journey Through Grief session pondered the thought of the possibility of a silver lining that they could identify since their loss. Several struggled identifying a silver lining in the chaos of their loss.
I do believe that death does take away but it also gives back a silver lining. This silver lining is unique for everyone and it may not be visible at first but with time it shines awareness, enters our hearts and brings peace to our lives.
Tangela Zielinski
Grief Support Services Manager
Hospice of Michigan
I lost my daughter in August of this year. I don’t know how to deal heck I don’t know how. To function anymore. I go through the motions of everyday life but that’s it. I’m lost on how to deal with this. The pain and emptiness I feel does not subside.
Shari – I am so sorry you have suffered this horrible loss. The pain and emptiness you have described can feel very overwhelming. This is not the kind of tragedy anybody feels prepared to deal with and most people feel just the way you have described. We want to be a resource to assist you in handling this loss. I’ll contact you directly by e-mail and let you know about other resources that might be helpful (groups, one-on-one support, suggested readings…). If we do not connect via e-mail, please call our Care Center (888-247-5701) and asked to be connected to the Grief Support Services Manager that serves the community where you live. Take care and let us know how we can be of further assistance.
GRIEF BLOG:
It is so common. I get a call from a person struggling with their grief. They are shocked, noting “but it has been three months, years…”, “I had been doing so well”, “I don’t know what is wrong with me…” People are often surprised when their grief sneaks up on them. They may feel like they should be done grieving or maybe they had come to terms with the loss only to find that the feelings come up again after a reprieve or more manageable period. This experience often surprises people – they may be frightened by the resurgence in their grief or feel ashamed. It is important to recognize that while we learn how to handle our grief, with time, it is never completely absent. Even after many years there may be a trigger event that causes strong feelings or a longing to see that person. Many times it is a special occasion such as a very happy time (a wedding, birth of a child/grand-child) or a difficult time (when you might have relied on the person for support or advise). Sometimes it’s difficult to identify a trigger or it may seem like something totally unrelated, like the loss of a job or the death of a pet. When such events occur, and you are hit with an unexpected wave of grief, be patient with yourself. It does not usually mean you’re going backward or that you are slipping back to the grief that you experienced when the loss was new. Give yourself some time to re-adjust and find your balance again. You may be surprised how quickly this new wave of grief passes and, if it doesn’t, reach out to family, friends, or an agency like ours for support.
It was 14 months yesterday, that I lost my best friend, my husband. When I lost my husband I also lost my identity. He was everything to me. Because of my beloved, I felt loved, secure and happy; now nothing except pain and loss. I still wake up every morning but alone and sad, missing the man that gave me all of himself. What am I to do? Am I being punished? Why didn’t he get to see his grandchildren grow up? Why was it HIS time? Now what am I to do? How do I keep from falling apart and how can I go on everyday, day in and day out? How am I to keep myself together? I barely get through the work day now, let alone the next 67 years? I just want to run away, but I know I’ll be unhappy no matter where I go.
Lauren,
So sorry about your husband. I feel exactly the same as you. Has been one year since my husband’s passing. Everyday is a struggle to get thru. Miss him so bad, and you feel like no one can relate to the pain. My best friend is gone. Never will know his grandchildren. Seems like it gets harder instead of easier. We should chat, feel free to email me.
If we pay attention, the seasons have a way of offering us lessons in life.
I thought about this while sitting in my office, looking out at the spring flowers that now grace the lush green lawn. It wasn’t all that long ago that a frozen landscape greeted me.
As a male grief support manager for Hospice of Michigan I have learned to appreciate more than ever, the importance of observing with a critical eye all that surrounds me. Our lives are in a constant state of change and nature holds before us the promise of new tomorrows, with new ideas and endless possibilities. I can’t help but believe that with the profound changes of loss, we are all transformed and reshaped. Changed forever, yet continuing to grow with each new season of our lives.
I have experienced and witnessed personal triumphs with each new season of change. We are all capable of transformation. Believe it!
Dan Krajewski, Grief Support Manager, Grand Rapids
I was my grandpa’s caregiver for the last 6 months of his life. My grandfather passed away on June 5th, 2012, and yet it feels like it was yesterday… I watched him take his last breath. At the same exact time, in the room next to grandpa’s, my mother suffered a heart attack, and stop breathing also. We were supposed to wake her when it was grandpa’s time. So when I went to wake her, she was turning blue. I somehow maintained my composure enough to dial 911 to report my mother’s problem, then calling hospice to report my grandfather’s death. Keeping my composure, I ran downstairs, and directed paramedics up to my mom’s room, where my aunt was giving CPR to my mother. And that’s when I lost it. I lost my grandpa; my best friend; my father. And I thought I had lost my mother. She had a tube down her throat for 3-4 days in the ICU to help force her breathing. I stayed with her as much as I could every day.
My mom survived and is doing much better now. Her and I are much closer to each other than we have ever been. We have been constantly there for each other in our loss, as we are being constantly reminded of it.
I keep having frequent recurring dreams of everything happening again. It hurts every time. I am also having recurring dreams that my grandpa is on his computer with no oxygen, turns to me, smiles and says “I don’t know what to tell you buddy, YNK.” YNK was his way of saying “you never know.” But then I wake up.
The day grandpa passed, I said my vows with my now wife in front of him while he was comatose. I saw him smile for the last time, and teared up.
My mother beats herself up about not being there for grandpas last breathe, but I told my mom that if grandpa didn’t go when he did, no one would have check on her, and she could have passed away also. Even in death, grandpa saves a life…
Life hasn’t been the same without him. My father was murdered when I was 1, so my grandpa took over. He has been a huge part of my life since. I haven’t found a job yet, but I am continuing my education at college. Special thanks to Hospice for the letter so I college show the college why I had to cancel winter semester. It worked! Going to college for the first time since grandpa passed will be tough, as I would go to his house right after. But I know that’s what he would have wanted.
People constantly remind me that I watched grandpa die… I keep telling them “No, I watched him live..”
> Dear Graham,
I so appreciate you taking over for me as caregiver of grandpa the last 6 months of his life. Yes, I still beat myself up for not being there for his last breath but as you say I was in the other room having a heart attack and couldn’t help it. You are the most amazing son in the world. I can’t begin to tell you how much I love and appreciate you. Thank you for helping to save my life. You and your wife have my undying gratitude for coming in to get me and finding me blue. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. Im sure grandpa appreciates what you did as he watches over you everyday. I love you so much!!!
Love,
Mom
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.” –Washington Irving
The above quote appeared on the Facebook page of my friend as she reached the one year anniversary of her mom’s death. Her mom was my very close friend for over 25 years. So often I find myself tearful as I think of my friend and question how long these feelings will last. But as I read this quote I am reminded that “tears are not a mark of weakness, but of power”. This helps me to accept my tears as a powerful tribute to the memory of my friend. We need to remember the value of our tears.
Claudia Been
Grief Support Services Manager
Hospice of Michigan
Oakland County
> Hello. I am new to Wixom, having moved last week from the Grand Rapids area. I am wondering if there is a child loss support group near me, either through Hospice or some other organization that you know.
The Grand Rapids office has been of monumental help to me, after losing my mom, husband, daughter and brother within the last 10 years. I am looking for continued support with the loss of my daughter.
Thanks for any info you may have! Gina
Dear Gina,
I am truly sorry for your losses. Having multiple, close family losses is a heavy load to bear. I commend you for seeking support for yourself. It is not always easy to ask for help, but when you’ve have had a positive experience within an understanding group setting it makes it a little easier to reach out.
I have emailed you information about groups in your area. The following is a link to groups offered by Hospice of Michigan in the southeast,
http://www.hom.org/?page_id=478
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions.
Take Gentle Care, Margie Martin~ Grief Support Services Manager, Ann Arbor
734-769-4524, select opt. #3.
Myth 6: Grieving necessitates detachment.
Reality: We never fully detach.
He said to me after parting for 6 months, “Please forgive this stupid old man, Please marry me” 8/11/01. Our 1st month was 9/11/01 for the world! The years pass… Mom & new step dad to two little girls 5 & 10. Home. Car. Jobs. School. Life was…beautiful. in and out. Two good A.A.’s …sometimes seen seperate, but never far. I remember loving so deeply that a question was challenged me. “If he lost his arms, legs, or innerds, would I still love him, I couldnt have answered any faster.” Yes!. 4/08 our local social services suggests that divorce would give the mother more resources…Family decline, 17yr. old leaves home. younger resents new dad for most, more family decline. we move out of “our” home. 09/09/09 DOD. This mother went thru divorce depression, + . I “come out of “it” this past 03/12. Just heard of his ESOPHOGEAL LUNG CANCER FOUND THIS PAST MARCH IN STAGE .IV . I want to RUN to him… and ummm…ask? him if I can be by his side thru all this….Im so afraid of thee NO! your not gonna watch me die rejection…. but Im going to ask him and offer myself to him …until death -do us part? I thank you for reading…pre grief. more to come….H.
I lost my Dad 2 years ago April 28th and I blame myself for all the pain he was in towards the end of his life, I TOLD HIM NOT TO GIVE UP AND TO KEEPS FIGHTING BUT IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN OF ALL THE PAIN HE WAS IN I NEVER WOULD HAVE SAID THAT TO HIM AND I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT!!!!! I love my Dad so much I didnt want him to go….i guess Im just selfish…. Is there hope for me? I live in Niles Michigan is there any counciling near by?
Cindy- I sent you a more detailed response but thank you for your honesty. Most of us when we lose someone close struggle with the “what if’s” , “the maybe I should have’s”, and “I shouldn’t have”. The most important thing I hear, is about the love you had for your father, a love that wanted him to keep going.
If we can help you or provide any other information, please feel free to contact our Grand Rapids team at (616) 356-5258, or reply to this email. God bless you!!
My mom died unexpectedly a few weeks ago, 4/14/2012. We took care of my grandma (her mom) as a team, the three of us living on my mom’s income alone. I’m left to take care of my grandma on my own. My grandma has been in hospice since April 2009, when she was given four to six weeks to live. Here we are three years later and she’s doing ok. She has now outlived all four of her children. I’m 33 and have health issues of my own. I’ve had two back surgeries to help with my pelvic floor spasms/interstitial cystitis. The doctors implanted a spinal cord stimulator which has helped a bit. My mom cared for me for many years after I went to the hospital in kidney failure and almost died at age 24. I feel so lost without her, we were so close. I was lucky enough to live with her for many years as an adult, that’s something most people are not lucky enough to expeience. Believe me if you had my mom you would’ve wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. She was an amazing woman and we loved each other very much. I’ve contacted Claudia, a grief counseler whith HOM…I lost her number in all the kaos, so I’ve only talked to her briefly one time. I just found her number again so I plan on calling her first thing tomorrow. Today has just been a tough day
Jami,
Thank you for sharing about your loss. The pain of losing a mother can be very difficult due to the special mother/daughter relationship. I can appreciate that you find it difficult to open up to anyone but you do not have to go through this alone. Please contact us at 888-247-5701 to be connected with one of our Grief Support Managers who can offer different options of how we can best support you in your grief. I have responded to you via email also.
My mother died on Oct. 17, 2011. Our relationship was difficult, as many mother / daughter relationships can be but the last 6-months, I was able to be her caregiver and we forged a new, beautiful relationship. And although being her caregiver wasn’t easy, I felt closer to my Mom than ever before. And now she’s gone. I sit here crying and hurting with the pain of her death.
I know I’m not ‘alone’, I have a great support system, but my grief feels so isolating. And I don’t feel I can reach out to the one person I want to talk with, my Dad, because he’s struggling so much himself.
I have tremendous guilt and although I’m trying so very hard to put it in perspective, I just don’t have that capability right now. I failed my Mom and I will never come to terms with that.
I dream about my Mom often. I’ve woke up, crying, disturbing my husbands sleep. The dreams are coming more frequently and I know I need help with my grief. It is so hard for me to open up to others, so counseling doesn’t seem like an option and groups terrify me. I’ve read self-help books about grief and the grieving process but it’s just empty words for me right now.
Any suggestions?
Thank you for ‘listening’ and I appreciate any suggestions you may have.
Hello Dan,
It is sometimes difficult to understand all the choices made by our loved ones during their end of life journey. Hospice of Michigan has excellent trained staff in your area to support you and your mother and help accept her choices and wishes during her cancer battle. I would ask that you contact our CARE Center which is available for questions and discussions on hospice care, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I am also available to talk with you directly, if that would make you more comfortable. My name is Renee Ruhl and I am the Director here at Hospice of Michigan’s CARE Center.
Please give us a call at 888-247-5701; you are not alone and we are here to help you, your sister and your mother.
Thank you, Renee
My Mom has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she is nearing the end of her battle. I am finding myself feeling more and more depressed, mostly because I am not happy with how she has chosen to live the last 10 years of her life and the last year with her cancer diagnosis. She basically started abusing alchohol 10 years ago. Initially when she got her diagnosis, we thought she would make the most of her time. Although she has become more involved in our family, she has not stopped drinking and smoking cigarrettes. The only change is that she stopped drinking vodka and started drinking beer. Additionally she has not managed her money well and constantly spends more than she has, leaving my sister and I to try and pick up the pieces. She raised my sister and I very well and I am upset that I am angry with her when I should be supporting her in the last months of her life. It is really starting to drag me down. Any advice or resources would be helpful. I live in Grand Rapids MI.
Michelle, I hear and appreciate your concerns. You have our condolences. We do offer grief support in the Macomb and Oakland County areas. Although your father’s needs are unique, we can definitely explore how to support him best. Feel free to contact us and we can discuss furthur.
I just lost my mother on Jan 13th of this year. The family is having a very difficult time. I am worried about my father the most. He said he would like to talk to a male grief counslor. Is there any in Macomb county or Southfield area?
Thank you Angie for sharing. Please feel to contact me at kmonts@hom.org, or 313-578-6326 and we can explore how to support you in this challenging journey.
I lost the father of my children in May of 2011. It’s been a long hard road as our girls were 11 and 14 when it happened. He passed away just before their birthdays and it was difficult. We were always very close even after we separated. Even though I have been in another relationship for 2 years now, I never stopped loving him and I always knew he was my soulmate. Unfortunately he loved his alcohol more and that is ultimately what took his life. He was the most amazing man and father when he was sober and it was so heartbreaking watching him slip away. I feel like a piece of me is now missing and don’t know who to talk to. I spend all my time helping my girls cope with their loss that I cannot grieve for myself.
My husband has died very suddenly at home with me. I tried to save him to no avail. I feel like im in PTS or something. Is there any counseling type help in your organization for sudden death?
Linda – that certainly is a difficult situation. We offer many free services in the greater Grand Rapids area that might be helpful. We have a variety of grief support groups and though they are not designed for people who have experienced a sudden death, it is not uncommon for many of our attendees to have had such an experience. We also offer individual supportive services that might be helpful. I’ll drop you an e-mail shortly to see what we may be able to do to assist. If you’d prefer to give me a call, I can be reached at 616-356-5253. Take care.
I lost my mom on Nov 25, 2011. I thought it would be easier now that i know she in a better place and no longer in pain but as the days go on its getting harder and harder. It was extremly hard to watch her lay there in pain and it was nothing we could do but hold her hand. I miss hearing her voice, seeing her smile, just seeing her period. I didn’t want her to continue suffering but i do miss her each and everday. People say it will get easier/better i don’t know how.
> Thank you Juliea for sharing. I sent you a response via email. Please feel free to contact us if desired. Be patient with yourself and take gentle care.
I am 39.
I recently discovered that my cancer came back… recurrent thymoma in the pleural cavity, which is not considered “curable”. According to my Oncologists, they can hope to shrink the tumors to help me breathe better and have less pain. It may or may not work, but even if it does work, it will only work for so long before my body simply can’t do the chemo any more.
I have only had the first round of chemo, they still don’t know if it will be effective. Prognosis worst case is 6 mos, average case is about 1 year, best possible case, 4 years.
I reduced my work schedule from 40 to 20 hours (5, 4 hour shifts), and am on oxygen lvl 3. I went from being a manager to being a seated cashier. I am currently on a partial FMLA. (only the 20 hours a week that I miss from my regular 40 counts towards the leave time) Btwn the hours I work and short term disability, my income is about 65% of what it was, which is not exactly enough to pay the rent and the bills, and I don’t have any savings. I am trying to keep working so I can keep my AETNA insurance.
Is this a correct presumption, that keeping my health insurance is better than going to medicare? Is it correct to believe that working 50% (which is a very difficult, but for the time being I can do it), is better than applying for SSD? There is not much of an income difference, one way or the other, one just means I am working for the money, and prolonging applying for SSD seems to mean prolonging the onset of the 3-6 month income “gap” that occurs while waiting for the application to be processed.
On the Karnofsky Performance Scale I would put myself at 80%: Normal activity with effort; some signs of symptoms of disease . I can do basic self care, and have the temporary help of my sister (who is a nun) living with me. She helps with about 90% of household chores (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc) and I do about 10%. (Because after working 4 hours, I am pretty much physically exhausted for the day) She GREATLY assists me in planning and timing medications as the chemo and pain drugs make this nearly impossible to do for myself. I am currently receiving chemo, one week out of three I am “down” for about 5-6 days and my ability for self care drops to about 50% on the K scale.
My sister, the nun, is my only family able to support in this situation, and she may not be able to stay past march. Friends can help, but they cant do nearly as much as she is doing. She has no income of her own, and all her assets from before she entered her religious order are under the control of the convent. She has to write a letter to the Mother General and ask for access to her money, and they decide how much, and when, she gets it. So she is not expected to be able to help, with bills, because it is so difficult to to gain access to the money. Given our current cost of living, which is minimal, even if we solely relied on her assets, they would be depleted in 9-12 mos.
SInce I really have no idea how long I have, I feel a pressure to figure out all this end of life business while I still have the ability to figure it out. I know that it is “too soon” for hospice care. Yet I don’t know how long before it is time. And I don’t know what to do about care in that interim time where I can somewhat help myself, but not entirely!
There is pressure from my sister to move “back to NY” because it would put me closer to her convent and more convenient for her to arrange care for me. But it would also deprive me of the other 90% of my emotional support network which is friends and coworkers here in MI.
Emotionally, my psychiatrist thinks I am handling terminal cancer splendidly. I just wish I could figure out the logistics! Because I have never died before, I have no experience in how to go about doing it.
Any advice would be appreciated. 
Thank you for listenning…
Claudine
You do find yourself in a difficult space. You are right that you have never died before. And that in itself is scarey. That you are so young makes it more disheartening. It seems to me that you are a planner and one that likes to have things under control. Your current situation makes that difficult because there is so much unknown. Your finances are beyond your control, where you will stay in the future is an unkown, who will care for you in the future is unknown and how your illness will proceed is unknown. That is alot for someone who is 39. It seems as though you do have some inner strength.
It is good that your sister is there to assist you. Hopefully this time is allowing some special time for the two of you.Going back to New York poses some problems such as where you would stay. Take one day at a time and consider your options as March gets closer. Hopefully your friends are remainining close as well.
In regards to Medicare. Applying for SSD unfortunately does not give you Medicare. A person on disability does not qualify for Medicare until after 2 years of being disabled. So either you would have to purchase COBRA from your employer or hopefully qualify for Medicaid. Unfortunately you are correct in that you need your insurance to continue your treatment. If your choice in the future is hospice care, know that Hospice of Michigan does care for those with no insurance. This may put your mind at ease.
It is good to get a medical power of attorney set up now while you can. It is also a good idea to have someone be able to access your bank account when you can’t. In regards to applying for SSD you may want to see what your prognosis is after the first round of chemo that you mentioned. Also, you may be at a time in your life where being worried about high credit card balances should not worry you. This would be only in the case where you have a relatively short life expectancy and not the 4 years you mentioned above
You mentioned wondering about the timing of hospice care. As long as you are getting what is considered aggressive treatment then hospice is not for you. Hospice can do palliative chemo or radiation if it is to manage a symptom. When your prognosis is 6 months or less then hospice may be for you. It is at that time that hospice will promote your quality of life by keeping you pain and symptom free and supporting you emotionally and spiritualy.
Hopefully you are finding the support and courage you need at this time.
My father passed on 11/15/11. He went into the hospital on 10/23 ,a Sunday, with diarrhea. Come to find out he hadn’t been having bowel moments for he wouldn’t say how long. He also had c-diff which is an infection that also causes diarrhea. So by Thursday he tricked us all that he felt better and went home. By the next Sunday we were back in emergency because he had a lot of abdominal pain. There was an obstruction and surgery was necessary. It was scheduled for Tuesday. We got a call Monday saying surgery and to be done then. His colon was perforated and had to be removed. An ostomy was needed and we were willing to take him home and do whatever was needed to take care of him. Shortly after surgery he had a stroke. The only movement was his right hand. He couldn’t talk or anything. I was devastated. I knew in his living will he stated no extraordinary means were to be taken to preserve life. I was asked if I wanted nourishment to be given through his tube going in his nose to his stomach. I said yes. Well I read the living will more closely and discovered that my father wanted no feeding tubes whatsoever. I had to go to the staff and tell them to remove the feeding tube. That was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life. he was in a lot of pain and I was given the choice of having Hospice come in and help in this difficult time. Thanks to Hospice I know that his final days were as comfortable as possible. They also helped me become comfortable with the decisions I had to make. Today is not a good day for me on this roller coaster ride of emotions. But I know that if I need the help of Hospice that thay will be there for me. Thank you God for giving hospice to us when needed. They are truly a Godsend. Thank you for listening. I Love You Hospice
Dave
David, thank you for sharing. Making medical decisions for our loved ones is never an easy task. Thank you for all the love, care and consideration you put into each decision. God bless you as well!
Karen, please let me know if you receive this message.
Cary
Recently within the last month and a half, my sister lost her husband, than lost her home this week. She is temporarily living with my sister. Seems to be doing okay but really does not want to live with her. She went through a terrible existence during the last few years of my brother-in-laws life — due to a stroke that totally changed his personality to a mean awful at times belittling person. She loved him dearly and wouldn’t let him go to a nursing home, was thinking about Hospice but then he died.
I see Hospice does not have a Grief meeting in the GR area on Mondays or Wednesdays, the only two days I have a car at night. I would like to take her to a meeting. Is there a cost? Are there any churches on the northeast side of Grand Rapids that have a meeting on Mon. or Wed.?
I am a Grief Support Services Manager in the Grand Rapids office.
I am so sorry to hear about your sister’s losses. It sounds like she has really been going through a lot over the last year or so.
I am so glad that you contacted us. Hospice of Michigan offers a variety of grief support services that might be helpful for your sister. All of our services are provided free of charge and are open to anyone in the community grieving the death of a loved one.
We do not have any of our 5 week series starting right now (because of the upcoming holiday season), but we will have a group on Wednesday afternoons starting January 11th. That group will meet at Gilda’s Club (1806 Bridge Street NW) for 5 consecutive Wednesdays from 3-4:30 pm.
We also have a one day, Hope for the Holidays, program that will be at the same location (Gilda’s Club) this Wednesday from 3 – 4:30 pm.
I hope that one of these options will work for you. I will also try to follow-up with you, personally, to see if there might be some other ways we could help or other resources that might be helpful. You are also welcome to give me a call at 616-356-5253.
Take care.
Tara, thank you for finding this to be a safe place to “get your feelings and tears out”. We can often be surprised with how difficult our grief can be, even when there was “time to prepare.” Losing a parent can still be challenging, especially facing those firsts as a young lady. I hope in someway you were able to have a peaceful birthday. As you go through this grief in losing a mom, please know we are here if you desire someone to talk to. Just call us at 888-247-5701 and we can connect you with one of our Grief Support staff members. Strength and peace, Tara.
I lost my mother at the age of 53 on January 11 of this year. Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday, my first birthday without my mom. I thought I was dealing with her death well, I had 20 years to prepare for it…I could not have been more wrong. I feel like I just lost her yesterday. I have to drive past the hospice home everday to take my children to school, I have the urge to go in…straight into her room and expect to see her there…knowing I can’t, knowing she’s not there anymore, wishing she was for just one more day. Just want to know when this will all get easier…maybe after the year of “firsts”…praying….wishing heaven had a phone…. I know this is not what this site is for, just had to get my feelings and tears out somehow..
Tara
I lost my mom almost two years ago. It seems like yesterday. I think of her all of the time. It just doesn’t seem to be getting easier…
>I hear you Angela. Thank you for honestly sharing. Losing a mother can be difficult at any age. Sometimes we can be surprised with how long and deep that loss can be. And as you stated, it can even seem like yesterday, especially on those days when the pain feels so fresh. But there is hope… Sometimes talking with others can be helpful. Or if you are really having a challenging time with daily functioning, please don’t hesitate to call us. We have grief support staff in various areas throughout the state. We also have support groups. I can be reached at 313-578-6326. Please don’t hesitate to call us Angela- Take gentle care!
I started grieving as soon as my father got sick. It was clear that his diagnosis meant he would be dead within months. It was difficult to watch him become weak, to see him lose weight and lose interest in us. The first trip to the hospital was life changing and I knew it. My family doesn’t show emotion much, and so we each just handled it in our own way. For me, I didn’t do anything at all for weeks. I didn’t go to work. I just sat in a chair and thought. Being able to accept the loss of my father took many years. My wife talks about him frequently because he was a big influence. That keeps him with us.
Thank you Chris for sharing.